Thursday, 13 May 2010

A Pain in the Bolkans 4

Dateline: Geneva

By our Correspondent at the League of Nations.

Amidst unprecedented scenes of chaos and mayhem in the chamber today, two national delegations resorted to physical violence and had to be removed from the League Building.

Count Duckula, the Ainomor representative, had just risen to speak in the debate on the Scandanavian Pig Smuggling dispute when the gentleman from the Brobdingnag Union leapt to his feet and interrupted him with loud accusations of Ainomor atrocities against the Union in the just ended Royal Army exercises near the Union border.

Showering delegates with photographs which he claimed to be proof of his claims, Shishkebab Bey, appeared to say that Royal Army forces had made several incursions into Union territory and committed numerous offences including kidnapping and assault of women and goats from border villages, sniping at Union Gendarmerie border guards and turning the Union flag upside down outside town halls and other buildings.

This was greeted with howls of laughter from Count Duckula, and the singing by his assistants of the Ainomor National Anthem "Cummen havago iffudink yurhardenuff ". Almost at a point of apoplexy, Shishkebab Bey, then denounced the Ainomor Royal Aviation Corps for having bombed the rail junction at Cheyssac, destroying several buildings and killing a number of villagers.

Cheyssac in ruins.

At this point Count Duckula stated that the accusations were totally without foundation, but that if the RAC had truly intended to bomb Cheyssac then rather than merely damaging it, the village would have been totally wiped from the map. Whereupon, Count Duckula went down under an assault from several Union delegation members, including Shishkebab Bey wielding a large, traditional but not ceremonial knife. An unseemly brawl between the two missions only ended when police carried the two parties from the building.

The Union delegation left for Boughre without comment. Count Duckula was last heard screaming abuse at the Bey and shouting " This Means War!".

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